I was yellow then, but I'm blue now.I miss the person I used to be, but I think now I may be happier.Exploring a timeline of youth, the meandering path of emotion and rationality of thought. A collection of experiences and moments that change a person mentally. A tousled time of unbalanced freedom; creatures of the wild tip-toeing around the edge of the nest.Everyone has experienced this confusing period, feeling asymmetrically unsure, completely alone and awkwardly existing.Is innocence bliss or is the idea of an unknown future toxic to thought?Not knowing that things can or will ever change, experiencing the impermanence of time and the inability to retrospectively review situations.We sit on a gypsy carousel, jolted, awkward and uneven, getting thrown into characters of depression, sexualisation, anxiety, appearance all spinning around, wonkily showing up now and then, hypnotising our equilibrium.Ours is the social media generation, sitting on Staples office chairs, logging in to AOL and MSN messenger under (coolgirl101@msn.com). The new-gem of un-escapists with 24/7 contact, their superpower; the inability to disconnectNew identities were formed, and we knew everyones every move, who likes who.Those private messages, the ability to say what ever you wanted to without immediate backlash. We tried to obtained a careful footing of pulling the plug when it all got to much. But to many times lost our step.13 year olds had fingertip access and thoughts without consequence. We then contemplated how we display ourselves to our 1000+ ‘friends’ by kitchen photoshoots and experimenting with mummies makeup. Like for like profile pictures and live coverage of “Hannah's birthday 2k10 L0ll”
Nobody quite understood the ‘power’ these machines held, the internet can be dark if you look hard enough and we swam so deep. uncovering infinite scrolling blogs of black and white images, dying truths and poetic wounds. Whispering untold tales that never should have brushed our ears. We began cutting into our minds by sparkling, spinning and sparking, a wide-eyed muted exploration, jumping in puddles and becoming knee-deep in doubt discovering the world unsheltered and finding lemons in every bite.Loves young dream came quickly by of pecks at school discos and holding hands under the clock, fuzzy and fluttering, gaining another half on Bebo but being to scared to text first. Teenage heart break came quicker when the world ended and time stopped. Being constantly winded in the stomach and all the air drained from your lungs. Knotted murmurs and retching remarks, sobbing in the shower and crying off Claire’s accessories mascara;thinking the pain would never end. The Notebook was watched at least 5 time’s whilst curling up in knitted blankets, eating Fumps and Galaxy hot chocolate.Establishing differences then seeing ourselves differently, growing up into separation.I gained an education, where I gave my brain to boredom and my hands to the mundane, tapping pencils to burn 2 cals a minute or hide and seek with the dinner ladies. Dizzily dancing my way though months of sameness with the sensation of bicarbonate of soda fizzing on my flesh. A time of Isolation and irrelevance where everything becomes so overwhelming that we collapse under the weight of our own thought.With all my pocket money I spent time on looking out of windows, contemplating impossible situations: things i’d say, songs i’d sing and and people i’d meet. Wishing away the most golden glittering precious moments. A childhood wanting the days gone; now reminiscing and nostalgically immortalising our youth.Washed over by extreme tides that grew in gardens with pateo heaters and wooden green houses. We’ve all laid in the bluer shades but were overlaid by the golden green fields and holding hands when rushing in the meadows.The time-lapse between pending adulthood where everything is so heightened and confusing, communication is restricted so you feel so alone. Learning scars come with silence, reliving seeing everyone feels the same as you did, that dock leaves still cure nettle stings, and time can change universes.